we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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