I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
