feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
