TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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