I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
