return my video game
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
