I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
