Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
