Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.