i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
