just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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