God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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