Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
