God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
