can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
CTFD. Thereโs plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
