I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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