I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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