listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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