you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
