I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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