just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still dying that you shit outside
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
