D3 body, D1 cock
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize