I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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