i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
