Betty ford says i'm here all night
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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