i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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