It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
