Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
