Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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