i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
