So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
