i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize