i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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