meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This show inspires me to have sex in space
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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