We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
