Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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