I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
