that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
