he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
