a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
