i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
