I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
