I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
