he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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