I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
