He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
