If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
