I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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