I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
