Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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