I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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