I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
