Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
