How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize