Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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