Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
