i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
