I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
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