last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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